Humiliated Psychologies and the Failure of Modern Manhood

The media is awash with Simple Simon explanations of the ongoing crisis with ISIS and its bewildering (or so it seems) recruitment strategy. In a nutshell, these pundits assert that Islam is violent and young Western Muslims are being radicalized, by which they ship themselves off to fight for the new Caliphate. It is, in essence, a re-hashing of the “they hate us for our freedoms” rhetoric we’ve heard at the inception of the War on Terror. But this is shortsighted and false. The primary recruiting tool for ‪ISIS‬ is not radicalized ideology but is in fact humiliated psychologies. The humiliated soul will crave violence and aggrandizement.

When we examine non-Muslim public acts of violence, from the Columbine massacre to the Isla Vista/Santa Barbara shootings, even white supremacist and right-wing murderer Anders Breivik, we can see patterns emerge of abused and humiliated psychologies. And in fact, what is interesting about all of these three cases, is that whether or not the slights were perceived (in the case of 22-year-old Elliot Rodger) or legitimate cases of bullying (as appears to be the case with 18-year-old Eric Harris and 17-year-old Dylan Klebold) and low self-esteem (Breivik) run as a common thread between then. This premise has been supported in the writings of numerous psychiatrists (I recommend taking a look James Gilligan’s Violence as one example). All three cases here sought to commit tremendous acts of violence, with little to no regard to any form of life. In fact, they were indiscriminate in their killings, making no distinction between those who directly humiliated them and those who were innocent victims. We are in fact seeing the same psychology play itself out with young Western Muslims, particularly men (as we see in America, public acts of violence are overwhelmingly perpetrated by young males), who feel diminished, humiliated, targeted (perceived or otherwise) and emasculated (interestingly enough, there is some congruence with profiles of serial murderers who also felt slighted or abused). ISIS provides, like a shot of adrenaline to the arm, an instant boost to self-worth. Sadly, like their non-Muslims counterparts, they too kill, indiscriminately. Currently, Alan Henning, who is reported to have gone to Syria to “deliver food and water to people affected by the Middle Eastern country’s devastating civil war”, is slated to be next in line to be executed. That these young men would execute a person who has traveled to air their fellow Muslims only further illustrates for us the scope to which this humiliated psychology informs all of their actions: the whole world is to be punished for their slights. Like Rodger, Breivik, Harris and Klebold, no one is innocent.

To the extent that young men need to feel powerful is highly misunderstood in the West, if not completely ignored. The Muslim community in someways is doubly at risk. Men are often expected to be “the maintainers of women (Qur’an, 4: 34)”, and yet, there is a troubling trend of Muslims (particularly immigrant Muslims) to infantilize their children by forcing them to delay marriage until they have the house, car, executive job, etc. In my opinion, this has created a psychology of perpetual adolescence, by which young men and women (men the focus here) continue to live teen-age’esque lives, well into their late twenties, if not thirties. Many are still at home with their parents. These young men long for a sense of self, purpose and gravity in their lives. Add to this the alienation that many of them face due to the inability to one, assimilate into whiteness, and two, indigenize themselves to their new-found (or their parents’ new-found) home. Many of these young men I’ve spoken to have tales of loneliness, frustration, and depression brought upon by hostile racist environments. None of this is said to condone the brutal and heinous acts of ISIS, but it does allow us the ability to understand just why some young Muslim men might be attracted to violence in ways that are not so different from their western non-Muslim counterparts.

Ultimately, this lays bare the inadequacies of our community. We are in desperate need of a new model for manhood as well as an uplifting theology. A model that allows for men to be strong without feeling the only means of expressing that strength is through violence. As a believing and practicing Muslim, my first preference is to look to the life of the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم and examine in which ways was he strong without needing to be violent. And for the Simple Simon journalists, pundits, and Muslim liberals, who wish to point the finger at Islam, at the Qur’an in particular, to show that it is the source of inspiration for all this violence, I say to them, conflict is not the same as violence. It is human nature to have conflict. Some of those conflicts will be physical, others rhetorical. For the Qur’an not only gave license to those believers, who were being persecuted, to defend themselves and take action, it equally gave license for non-violent conflict resolution, as in the verse: “Tell those who believe that they should forgive those who feel no fear about the Days of God [lit. ayyam Allah], when He will repay people according to what they earned” (Qur’an, 45: 14)”. The Qur’an was sent as guidance, to deal with every nuance of the human experience; the good and the bad. It is now only my supreme hope that we can have a better appreciation of the psychologies of our young men and women and work to build a better apparatus to deal with what troubles them so we can get down to the business of helping people heal, and not aiding them in harming themselves, or anyone else.

9 Replies to “Humiliated Psychologies and the Failure of Modern Manhood”

  1. Interesting insights again aki. We are in desperate need of a new model on manhood. I mean the corporate executive jobs are not all that fulfilling in regards to manhood and that lifestyle will not appeal a greats segment of our population. Is ISIS a sort of hyper-masculnity in place of true manhood?
    Salaams to you and yours.

  2. Is the issue unrealized, or poorly realized, manhood? Or, rather is it embedded in patriarchal systems that produce unrealistic images of ‘ideal’ manhood/womanhood?
    As always, blessings!

  3. This article is excellent.

    There are some proven ways to alleviate these problems, though:

    1. Talk to your sons constantly. They will reach a point where they’re filling their brains with poison from online sources, friends, etc, and you need to counteract that. If you don’t have time to talk to them, don’t reproduce.
    2. Give them practicing Muslim role models who combine three attributes of masculinity: strength, intelligence, and wealth. Practically, this means that one enrolls them in martial arts with a practicing Muslim instructor, requires them to attend Islamic lectures by someone who is intelligent and learned (in modern issues as well), and finally, has them act as apprentices/interns at a rich, practicing Muslim company.
    3. Round them out with arts, like inshad, poetry, calligraphy, woodwork, etc.

  4. “Men are often expected to be “the maintainers of women (Qur’an, 4: 34)”, and yet, there is a troubling trend of Muslims (particularly immigrant Muslims) to infantilize their children by forcing them to delay marriage until they have the house, car, executive job, etc. In my opinion, this has created a psychology of perpetual adolescence”

    And don’t let your daughters pursue careers/education that encroach on the breadwinning abilities of men.

  5. Thank you, Marc, for your wisdom and thoughtfulness on display here once again. Linking the extremist violence abroad with the extremist violence here at home is important and useful in helping people mystified by why “those people” would “do such horrible things” or “believe such hateful ideology” when, of course, “those people” are equally dispersed around the world and adhere to belief systems of all kinds. Please keep up the important work you’re doing, and sharing here on the web.

  6. Your explanation of conflict and violence resonated deeply with me. My experience with many immigrant Muslims has been that conflict, in any of its forms, is either avoided at all costs or unnecessarily provoked. Some Muslims avoid facing the reality that they are in a world where religion and traditional values are playing a smaller and smaller role in the life of the general public. They generally come escaping poverty and/ or conflicts from war. From their experience, stability is everything. Once they get a foothold in the States they may take this thinking to an extreme.

    They may avoid conflict at all costs, and only let their kids become doctors because “there will always be sick people, and the human body is not constantly remapped, so business will be stable.” They only let kids marry after residency. Many see being the man of the house being simply limited to being a responsible provider that helps out around the house and doesn’t abuse those under his authority. Little attention is payed to developing intelligent, charismatic, strong, physically sound men with solid principles. This is one of many reasons why degrees in non-STEM fields are seen by many Muslims as at best a waste of money and at worst an excuse to go party at a distant college (Though in many cases, this can e a justifiable view). Some avoid engaging in civic issues while identifying as Muslims because of the fear of being deported. Despite being U.S. citizens and living here for decades, many still see themselves as “guests,” possibly due to not being white. The children’s reaction to all of this can possibly be groups like ISIS.

    If we want to keep our people away from groups like ISIS, the solution seems to be a sustainable form of conflict which addresses the realities Muslims face, and not the total avoidance of conflict.

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